the lights. the smoke. the vibrations in sync with every heart beat...
yet. yet. something was just not right.
like stains of blood on the marble floor.
what are you hiding? your eyes vacant
like the devil's puppet
lost from reality of this world let alone the next
words are like wooden arrows hitting the brick wall
kindness pain and sheer innocence lay hidden somewhere
i dont know where
and if they will ever prevail
but its soooo heartbreaking
to look into vacant eyes...where somewhere beneath is soul screaming and groping and starving
its like covered in a metallic shell
i cannot penetrate
i never will
all i can do is pray for you
for your soul
that seems to call out through your such apathetic eyes...

Im searching the sky...
foreboding clouds swirl veiling the infinity beyond like milk in coffee...
where are You?
Im waiting for drops of rain to soothe my gnashes deep like an embrace of affection i never really had
Im waiting
Im searching
How long till salvation will reach to pull out my heart from this putrid chest cavity
When will my soul be washed from the stench of this suit
im waiting
Where are You?

i dont know why
but the voices in my head are not even whispering
they used to talk to me
sometimes scream at me
till i prostrate in devotion
now...
its as though i walk in a vaacum container
like walking on foam which have hollow bubbles
now everything seems so empty
so pointless
everything seems so superficial
there is nothing to look at
the world is slowly turning a monotonous tone of grey
before
the voices would note the beauty of every detail
now...
its all a blur
why am i stuck
why cant i move
why cant i reach out and grab what i lost
its so hard to grope in this pitch black darkness
for something which has gone silent now...

ive been running.
scraping my knee
bruising my elbow
burning my eyes
ive been running blindly
finding somewhere safe
running away from the broken shelter
running to find a new one
a real perceivable one
not like before
not like the mirage i was in
where i would stand in hope of warmth but get drowned by the rain
so now im running
i left behind so much shards of glass
my feet bleeding
i need something to breathe into
an embrace moulding the mind to serenity
i need it now more than ever
just something
sometimes just anything
my mind crying out of desperation, desolation
somehow i think if i stop running
ill fall
into something so deep ill never come back up again...
ill probably never get up again
and if i do, itd take me years...

im looking up
hoping anytime now
ill be shown the way i lost

Just for a moment. Just that moment. everything seems so perfect.
the night sky
the street lights
the grey clouds
everything is where its supposed to be
the people
the company

you cant help but fall in love...with everything and everyone...
but only for that moment
the next day you want to be in love again
u want the people who at that moment intoxicated you with the perfection of the entire scenerio...
but it never really was the people or the things...
it was just that moment.
a moment of pure color in its most vibrant form.
you can only wish for that moment to return
walking on the air of utmost utopia...
all you can do is save it in you memory for it wont come back to you
rather it will haunt u
tantalize you..
of what was...or would might be one day...if it may come...

i held a handful of precious grains of sand once...
but the tighter I held on to it...
the faster it seeped through the cracks between my fingers...
im left with only so much now...
i can feel another storm hurdling towards where I stand
forcefully prying open my fist,
and I? and I doubt the strength within me to hold on the rest.
im just now groping for any vials of poison on this shelf...
drinking whatever I can, feeling the pain of anything but the other reality of life. the other darkness and bitterness of life.
im on the floor. with defeat.
and i wonder, as poison drips from my mouth, why exactly i have one or two grains held in my fist?
im doing nothing to bend down and reach for some more...

wind

can you hear it?
singing to you?
gently whispering praises of The Glory beyond?
can you feel it?
softly caressing your skin?
tempting you to walk towards the edge of pure wisdom and understanding?
yet we walk the streets oblivious to it dancing calling begging desperately to turn our vision towards the heavens above.
we march on each day ignoring its miracles as it rustles the foilage or ripples the sea.
each message spoken with its fiery words or icy breath.
yet, as each day passes... we act as though we see nothing. we hear nothing. or even feel nothing.
huddled up in our raincoats or exotic furs
focusing our minds on our destination and future...of this life
we withdraw into the unreality of it all
because we believe there is no end.
therefore, we dont feel it.
and when we do
we complain
turn away
or stay indoors far away to avoid hearing the truth. to see our reflections. to turn our eyes towards Providence...